15 Nov Friendships of the Sweetest Kind
I cherish unconditional, no strings attached friendships. You know the kind I’m talking about, right? I know when I’m in one by how I feel. These friendships are freeing, nourishing and energy producing. I feel lighter after connecting with these friends in any way. We can connect once a month or even just once a year and it’s like no time has passed. There aren’t formal expectations in these friendships because key qualities form the foundation on which the friendship rests. Mutual respect? Check. A genuine care and interest in the other? Check. A deep desire that the other be happy? Check. The fact that each other’s happiness isn’t hinged on the choices the other makes? Check. Striving for honesty and integrity? Check. Perfection? Not necessary.
No strings attached friendships are lacking in certain things as well. They lack hoops to jump through to prove affinity for or loyalty to one another. They lack rules to follow to keep the friendship solid. I know I am in one by how I don’t feel. After spending time with these friends, I don’t suddenly feel unsettled or insecure. My mind is not left running over something they’ve said wondering if there was a hidden message. There are no subtle manipulations or hidden agendas.
Friendships such as these can be hard to find. And, it makes sense! Why? Because we’re all a bit fragile when it comes to friendships. We’re human and it’s in our nature to get insecure and fearful sometimes; particularly when we find something or someone that brings us happiness. When we find something good we are prone to attaching and holding tight at all costs; we don’t want to lose it. We don’t want to get hurt so we try to control it. Yet, there is a paradox here: the tighter we hold on and the more fear we have, the more expectations and rules we impose. Before we know it, we find we’re squeezing the life out of the friendship. And then we feel pain and fear, just what we were trying to avoid by holding so tight.
What’s the solution? Accepting that we can be fragile when it comes to friendships. It helps to be honest with ourselves about our fear. Allowing it expression eliminates the need to act out or be controlled by it. These fragile parts of us need compassion and tenderness. It takes a lot of courage to allow someone into our hearts with no strings attached. By giving the tender, fearful parts of ourselves attention and care, we open our hearts to real love. We grow in inner strength. We grow in courage. We begin to feel safe enough inside of ourselves to let go of outcomes. We simply enjoy the friendship and stop trying to control it. It can be difficult, but once you begin walking this “warrior of the heart” friendship path you’ll gain in love and happiness–the sweetest, unconditional kind.